I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
