That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
