McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
