Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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