I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
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