My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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