Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You took a bar mat shot.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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