I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sext me about skeletons
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
