i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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