Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
