I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
