you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
