I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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