then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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