mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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