Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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