apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
the liver wants what the liver wants
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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