as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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