His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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