you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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