i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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