Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
