someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
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Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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