There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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