Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
