Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Someone shattered a urinal.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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