worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
