I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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