and you said cock pushups were impossible
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize
