i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
