That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
