we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
