Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
