So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
