this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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