Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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