can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
