So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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