Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize