Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
