Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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