At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
