This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
