im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
