You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize