she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dear god my vagina.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
