Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He felt like a one man threesome
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
