I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
