tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
