guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need to align my fucking chakras
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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