i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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