we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
