Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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