i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
