I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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