i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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