"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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