dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im calling her cock vulture from now on
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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