Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
