That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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