Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
