I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
