That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
