He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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