i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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