this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
