hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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