new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
