No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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