I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
