she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
