i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I love having hate sex.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
