wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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