he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
