note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
