Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
wanna go halves on a baby?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
