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my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
