Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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